The Mayor's Prayer Breakfast

The Mayor has a prayer breakfast every May. Held at the local Jesuit college the Prayer Breakfast is what we call “ecumenical”, as about 300 of the nicest people in town gather to solemnly congratulate each other on their good works and exhort each other to do more to combat racism and injustice. By 10:30 or so every interest group imaginable has made sanctimonious common cause with every competing group, and the municipal employees, fundraisers and other payrolled people are certain they have moved the good fight forward. The self-employed and people with real lives are certain they have encountered Hell.

For many years I considered the Mayor’s Prayer Breakfast merely insipid, one of the places we have to show up in order to be among the nice people, and the tables cost a good deal less than at other functions. This year, however, I have changed my mind and deem it to be an affirmative evil. No table at the Prayer Breakfast this year.

I have started to wonder why and to whom we are all praying together. No really, let’s think for a moment. The Jesuits believe that She is going to condemn all the non-Catholics to eternal damnation, no small thing. The Jews as the Chosen have a monopoly on Her revelation, the Protestants are on the one hand supporting various boycotts of Israel and on the more conservative hand supporting Israel as a means of accelerating the Apocalypse. Unitarians and Universalists do not believe in Her at all. Since 9/11 it has become popular in our parlor liberal communities to invite Muslims to join in the levity so we don’t have to think about what they are praying about, and I call Him “Her” to point out the archaic visions which we peddle to each other. Somehow each of us prays for the damnation and destruction of the other in our own tents, and the cacophony makes no more sense when we do it together in the name of Brotherhood. I would guess that on the whole praying is better done in private or in our own tribes so we do not have to get too close to what the other tribe is actually saying.

I am also concerned about the Mayor’s invitation list. The Roman Catholics and the mainstream, if declining Protestant denominations are invited as are the Reform Jews. Orthodox Jews, of course cannot eat the food or off the dishes, so they will be absent as will the Conservative Jewish clergy, although various synagogue members will attend. Quakers are popular because they favor peace, but we are uncertain that they actually favor praying. The Wahabi Sunni Muslims will be invited, but we have not seen any Shi’a, perhaps out of concern that a car bombing might impinge on the fellowship. An occasional Greek Orthodox will show up in regalia for exotica. There will, however be no animists or wiccans at the Mayor’s Community Prayer Breakfast. We generally do not see Mormons who are outside the pale of this gathering, and certainly not the Fundamentalist Church of the Latter Day Saints whose Texas compound has recently been cleared of 416 children who the government believes were mistreated by their sect. They will not be invited to the Mayor’s Community Prayer Breakfast. We are unlikely to see Buddhists, although some Unitarians and Reform Jews may sound like them. I would nominate the Rastafarians, as some early morning dope might enliven the proceedings, and Haile Selassie has not recently been honored in these parts. Our nearby city has a Haitian population which might appreciate voodoo. Do we expect Zoroastrians from Iran or Baha’i from Israel? Joel Osteen, pastor of the Lakewood Church in Houston, America’s largest church and home to America’s leading televangelist is unlikely to attend with his personal witness of Jesus, but we are a very liberal community, so I would not be surprised to see Rev. Jeremiah Wright with some words of hatred which will make the white liberals feel very guilty indeed. I would think the staff would try to find Hindus and Sikhs, but I have never seen them, they might not be able to get along, the Hindus probably would not like various cow products in the dinner, and perhaps they prefer my suggestion to keep their praying to themselves. In our community we make a good deal about the Native Americans, but there will be no pagans or spirit worshippers at the breakfast, and a hundred Native American religions will be ignored.

All in all I expect the Breakfast to be enjoyed by an incredibly and shrinking band of liberal Protestants, Catholics and Jews. Joining the community in prayer it will exclude almost the entire known world of religion, make public that which should be private and do so by blissfully ignoring the basic and fundamental concepts on which these faiths are based. I do believe I’ll skip it.